


no, i don't know how to forget you

by fralthotius



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Miscommunication, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Felix Hugo Fraldarius, Pining, Sylvain Jose Gautier Angst, Trans Character, Trans Felix Hugo Fraldarius, basically felix is dumb and sylvain is scared! we love these emotionally inept fools, bc i apparently cant let him live ??, felix uses they/them pronouns thank u, no beta we die like Glenn, some nsfw content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:47:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29549523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fralthotius/pseuds/fralthotius
Summary: At this point, this is how Felix always spends their Friday nights. Stuck under the sheets with Sylvain before the two take part in their own ritual to slowly put the other back together, the fresh scent of roses lingering in the air from the bath bomb Sylvain used.They could die this happy, they think, if it meant they could live in this moment forever. To not deal with what comes next, the inevitable part where they split for the night, not to talk again until Felix texts him in the morning.-or, Felix and Sylvain are friends with benefits. Felix loves Sylvain, but it seems like they're just another notch in his bedpost. As such, miscommunication shenanigans ensue.
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier, Minor or Background Relationship(s), minor felix hugo fraldarius/dorothea arnault, minor sylvain jose gautier/hilda valentine goneril
Comments: 6
Kudos: 34





	no, i don't know how to forget you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gardevoirite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gardevoirite/gifts).



At this point, this is how Felix always spends their Friday nights. Stuck under the sheets with Sylvain before the two take part in their own ritual to slowly put the other back together, the fresh scent of roses lingering in the air from the bath bomb Sylvain used. 

Sylvain practically smothering them as he lays on them - something they insisted as they pulled him into their arms, and they can feel him gently tracing patterns against their skin, their eyes closing slightly. 

They could die this happy, they think, if it meant they could live in this moment forever. To not deal with what comes next, the inevitable part where they split for the night, not to talk again until Felix texts him in the morning.

“Have you ever been in love?” The question breaks the silence and catches Felix off guard, peering at him through their lashes.

_Yes_. They have, their grip tightening on him as they flick their gaze to the ceiling. They’ve been in love for a while, they think, but that’s not what leaves their lips. “No. That sounds gross and mushy.”

Sylvain laughs and they look back to him, catching the sunshine smile he often wears as he looks up to them with hazy eyes. “At all? You don’t love your cat?”

It’s a deflection, but Felix isn’t sure what he’s trying to deflect from. “That’s not what you meant,” they hum, rolling their eyes before closing them again. They can feel Sylvain shift under them, propping himself up to stare at him, or they assume. The thought makes them blush nevertheless, head turning to the side as they bite back a smile.

“The water’s getting cold,” Sylvain speaks again, moving as if he were about to leave them, the sensation leaving Felix’s arms burning. They don’t let him go, reaching up to pull him in closer, making their grip tighter.

“A little longer.” They don’t ask but rather take, holding onto him closer, as if that were even possible.

He doesn’t argue, instead pressing a kiss to their chest, laying his head back down. “Okay.”

It doesn’t feel like it’s been that much longer when they finally get out. They do as they normally do - Sylvain always dries them off first, almost insisting on it. Felix follows, standing on the tip of their toes to dry him completely before pulling him down into a kiss. They dress and talk for a little longer.

Felix doesn’t ramble much, but maybe they do now, trying to delay what’s to come. The cold air brushes against their skin as they finally reach the front door of Sylvain’s apartment.

Sylvain never asks them to stay.

* * *

They see each other the next morning, as expected. They have two coffee in their hands - one for him, one for them. This week, Sylvain seemed to be on a kick over this abysmal, “ _not coffee_ ” coffee concoction Annette saw online. It’s disgustingly sweet and Felix is convinced Sylvain got it out of spite for them, to get them to not steal any of his drink.

It worked, if that was his plan.

“Fe!” His voice startles them slightly, high pitched as he swings the door open. He takes what is his before crashing his arm over their shoulder, pulling them inside. “You shouldn’t have, you know!”

There’s a bit of a scowl on Felix’s face as they roll their eyes, leaning into him slightly. He’s warm, the scent of _home_ flooding their senses from his cologne. “It was buy one get one free,’ they lie, cheeks warming as they look away. It’s because of the cold, clearly. Nothing else.

“Oh? I didn’t know they did buy one, get one’s on Saturday. Good to know.” It’s a blessing that he never fully calls them out, though they do know he caught them. He interjects before they can come up with another excuse, pulling away with that smile of his, the one that Felix is convinced is more radiant than the sun. “Ready to get to studying though?” 

Right, studying. The entire reason they were hanging out. Felix was about to fail Calculus and Sylvain was the smartest person they knew. One of them, at least. Internally, they know they could have gone to Annette, but…

They look at him for a moment. It’s hard to stay away from his smile, his warmth.

They study for a few hours, though they never seem to finish. One minute, Felix is looking at a book and the next, they can feel Sylvain’s breath against their neck. “I think we should take a break,” he speaks lowly and they can already feel goosebumps against their skin.

They don’t wait, instead turning to face him, rolling their eyes as if he’s the most exasperating person they know. “You’re insatiable, you know.” They don’t stop it though, closing the gap between them and letting their tongue curl into his mouth like smoke.

Felix likes seeing him like this, they think. They like the dark look in his eyes as he lingers over them, that wolfish smirk he has when he makes their back arch over the bed, the way he calls them good and his, as if they were made for him. They were, they think, though the words never leave their mouth.

There’s this pout they like to believe is reserved only for them when they take over, flipping him onto his back. “Fe, baby,” he sounds breathy under them and looks absolutely ruined already, and they have a hard time biting back their smirk.

“You did a lot yesterday,” they let their hands go up his arms until they find his wrists, pinning them down to the mattress. “Let me ride you.” He seems to give them a half-assed response with a moan, whimpering under them as they take over. They like being in control with him; the way he withers under them and begs for more way more addictive than it should be. 

They like him more afterwards though, when he lays beside them, eyes heavy as sleep tries to take him from their clutches. They reach over, carding their hands through his hair, drinking in that lazy smile he gives them. “Thank you.” They don’t know which part they’re thanking him for at this point.

“Mmm,” he smiles bigger, leaning into their hand as they cup his cheek, his eyes fluttering closed, “no need to thank me. You know I’d help you whenever.”

They stay with him until he’s asleep, being sure to throw a blanket over him and kiss his temple before they take their leave.

He never asked them to stay.

* * *

“So, Sylvain?” Leonie says it like she knows something Felix doesn’t. They stop, but they don’t look up from their phone, instead humming in response.

“You know, he’s a bit of a fuckboy.” She says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, like Felix should know all of the things people say about him are true. As if all of the rumors could even amount to anything Felix knows of him.

“Good for him?” They glance up, raising an eyebrow as they meet Leonie’s steady gaze.

“Good for him,” Leonie repeats it, nodding her head. Felix can’t read what she’s thinking, but they don’t think they like it. “He just doesn’t care about anyone. It’s a bit sad. You know he’s supposedly got like, five fuckbuddies on the hook right now? He says he’ll paint them for his art portfolio to get them naked.” She pauses again, waving her hand slightly. “You know, like a fuckboy?”

The comments make Felix’s blood run cold, but they don’t say anything. Instead, they make a _tsk_ sound, shaking their head. “Do you have anything better to do than partake in silly rumors?” 

“Mmm,” Leonie laughs - that fucking obnoxious one, the one she does when she feels she’s won something over Felix. Felix has heard this laugh from their roommate many times, often when the two are playing video games together. Felix hates that laugh right now. “It’s not really a rumor if it’s true.” 

Felix leaves the room shortly after that, though the feeling never leaves their chest.

* * *

Calling Sylvain is the second best thing to seeing Sylvain, if not only because they can hear his voice. He sounds like honey-dew and thunder personified, they think. He’s ever so sweet, sickeningly so, with an edge that pulls Felix under.

Pathetic of them, they think. 

“Sylv?” They sound so fucking shy and they loathe him for what he always manages to do to them. 

“Hey, Fe… Are you still coming over to study today?” They don’t have to see him to know he’s smirking - studying hardly ever means actually studying anymore, they think. It’s foolish of them to even have let it get that far in the first place.

“Actually,” They swallow hard. Their voice sounds shakier than they would have liked. “I think I’m going to study with Annie today.”

There’s silence at the end of the line for a moment, before they hear Sylvain laugh. “Oh, that’s fine! I could hang out with some friends then instead.” 

Right. There was always someone else. They can practically hear Leonie sneering at them now, tears suddenly stinging their vision. “Yeah, you could. I’m sure they’d rather you bother them.” They try to play it off as a joke, but it doesn’t make the bitter taste in their mouth go away.

They don’t stay on the phone for much longer. Felix excuses themself and Sylvain doesn’t fight it. Sylvain never fights it, they think. They wonder if he wants them out of his hair. 

They never go to see Annette, they never even ask her, instead pulling the covers over their head, suddenly aware of how cold the world feels now. 

In their phone stays one drafted text of, “I missed you,” that they’ll never send.

* * *

They don’t see each other again for days. Weeks? Felix can’t keep track. It feels like years, if they’re being honest with themself but they don’t say it. It’s not his fault though, they’re rational enough to know that. They’re avoiding him, if anything, though that’s never hard when he doesn’t normally reach out first.

“Why aren’t you hanging out with us anymore?” It’s Annette who slams her books down on their table, Felix’s eyes moving from her back to their laptop. 

“I wasn’t aware I was required to see you every day? Also, you guys could text.” Nobody texted. Felix would know, they’ve been waiting to see if Sylvain would say anything for.. However fucking long. Whatever.

“Felix.” She’s about to bite their head off, they think, though it’s a death well deserved. 

“Annette.” They don’t look back up at her. It’s easier if they aren’t looking at her.

“Are you and Sylvain fighting?” That does get their attention, and they make a face as they look back up to her. “It’s just,” she sighs, settling down into the seat in front of them. “Mercie and I noticed that you guys haven’t been talking, and-”

Felix doesn’t let her finish, clearing their throat to cut her off. “No, we’re not fighting. I’m busy with school work.” They look back to their computer, noting the empty word document in front of them. They should start that soon. “Plus, I have no obligation to always be the one to start conversations and shit. The phone works two ways, you know. If you guys were that desperate to see me, you could've texted me.” It’s harsher than they mean, and they immediately regret it when they see her sink back in her seat.

“It’s kind of hard to text you when you left all of our group chats and stuff, Felix.” She sighs, her gaze softening into something Felix can’t quite read. “We just… We miss you. It’s not the same without you making your evil comments, you know.”

“Evil?” They scoff, though they don’t continue to talk when she raises her hand at them, giving them a death glare.

“You’re evil, Felix.” It’s simply put and it’s something she’s said a hundred times or more at this point. Felix doesn’t mind it though, as it does seem to make her smile. “But really... Just come over? I’m sure everything will go back to normal once you join us again! And, I do think you should talk to Sylvain.”

Felix scoffs again. “Okay, fine. I’ll go, only if you promise to sing one of your songs-” They, again, don’t get to finish as Annette shrieks, slinking away, saying her favorite phrase again. Felix laughs before returning to their paper, staring at the blank document in front of them.

They dare type up a message to Sylvain, staring at the drafted message of, “Do you want to get coffee?” on their phone. They decide not to send it.

* * *

It takes longer than it should for Felix to finally listen to Annette’s words. By the time they walk up to their normal table, they see their seat replaced. 

It’s Hilda in their spot, the sight reaffirming the rumors that Leonie had been whispering in their ear like a fucking devil on their shoulder. “He’s dating Hilda now,” she said. “Wonder what Holst thinks of that. Sylvain and him are friends, right? Though I think he might be a rebound for Hilda. Her and Marianne did just break up.” 

In hindsight, Felix doesn’t know why they didn’t believe her; she’s one of Hilda’s closest friends, after all.

Felix is certain Holst of _all_ people doesn’t give a fuck though - he didn’t seem like the kind of person to be that involved in Hilda’s love life. Felix is also certain that they did indeed give a fuck as the sight of it is enough to crush them into one hundred pieces.

His arm is around her as they sit, ( like _they_ used to sit, their mind interjects, but they bat the thought away ) and they seem connected at the hip. Luckily, their backs turned to them, giving Felix the perfect opportunity to get away, but…

“Oh, Felix! Are you joining us today?” Of course. Speaking of devils, Ashe had to be the one to notice them. It’s both a gift and a curse, they suppose; they normally could sneak around without anyone giving them a second glance, but Ashe had always seemed to be too observant, catching them whenever he saw them.

“Uh,” they straighten up, awkwardly shifting the weight from one foot to the other. “I was just cutting through.” They look to Sylvain and Hilda for a moment, who don’t seem to care. Then again, they just aren’t looking back at them. “Plus, my fucking seat is taken.” 

They still don’t look back even at their jab, but Ashe seems to look at them with something a bit more… pitied? They decide not to think into that. “You can sit by me, if you’d like? We’ve missed you!” 

Felix gives in, if not only because telling Ashe no sounds like the worst thing they could ever do in the history of bad things. 

It’s not all bad, all things considered. The rest of their friend group seems to come in as their classes let out; Annie and Mercedes are the first to show up, and Annette tackles Felix into a hug, something Felix would reserve for her and only her as if anyone else dared touch them like that, they’d probably bite them. Mercedes says she misses them, Ingrid punches their arm when she walks up with Dimitri, and Dedue even seems grateful to have them back. Which is weird, considering Felix assumed Dedue hated them. Again, they decide not to look into that.

Ashe does nothing but show Felix photos of his and Caspar’s cat the entire time, and Felix shows him photos of his cat, Dagger. Felix has decided on their own that they would make good friends. 

It’s some return to normal, but it’s still not right. Felix can never stop moving their gaze to his orbit, eyes always burning at the sight of him and Hilda, completely intertwined together. 

Felix decides they don’t like seeing him like this. It’s a reminder that nothing is ever truly theirs. They can’t help but wonder if he asks her to stay the night, if he texts her first, if she’s his muse. Does he paint her? Does she not reach out like Felix does? 

Maybe the difference between the two of them was that Felix was too desperate; Sylvain hates desperate. He talks down upon those who seek him out, yet all they did was seek him out. 

They take a note of the hickies on her neck, the ghosts of all of the faded marks he made on their body, claiming them as his, suddenly burning against their skin.

Sylvain leaves first to take Hilda to her next class. He doesn’t spare them another glance and Felix wonders if he even noticed them there. Felix decides not to go back to their lunch table again. Maybe, it’s better like this. 

* * *

Their last class is from 6:30 to 8 pm, something Felix normally bitches about but for once, they’re grateful. The dark hides them well enough from prying eyes, and they let their emotions tumble out of their body before they get home the second they close their car door. 

They’re fucking sobbing, _pathetically_ , they think, as they type up, “I miss you so much,” on their phone. They never send the text, instead staring at the candid photo of Sylvain that they made his contact photo. 

He looked beautiful that day, and a part of them feels the ghost of his warmth flush across their skin. They want nothing more than to go back to it.

* * *

It takes two shots for all of Felix’s reservations to go out of the window.

... _Kind of_. Normally, they’d considered themself to be kind of an average, tipsy person - they might be more chattier if anything but they keep their cards close to their chest, as always. Maybe it’s the self pity talking now though, and there’s only so much of watching Sylvain hang all over his new girlfriend that they can take before they’re wanting to self implode.

They guess they should of expected him at this party though - it’s that fucking obnoxious Aegir kid’s party. Felix can’t recall his name, but they do know that Sylvain hates him. Then again, he’s never one to pass up a party. 

Neither is Leonie, who dragged them there to begin with. She’s got her eyes currently set on some girl and supposedly, she’ll be at the party. Somehow, that led to Felix getting dragged along as well. They wish they’d fought harder to stay home, now that they’re standing in the corner with another drink in their hand. 

Ashe occasionally comes by, something Felix is kind of grateful for, they guess. He’s reading a bunch of myths at the moment and seems to be rambling off about them. There’s Medusa, who he and Ingrid apparently decided was gay for Aphrodite. Felix doesn’t question it, though they can’t help but wonder if Ingrid is self projecting slightly. 

As of now, he’s rambling on about Icarus and The Sun, and how it’s poetically tragic or some shit. Felix doesn’t care, though this sounds like something Sylvain would be interested in. They bite back that thought, taking a large gulp of their drink before looking back to Ashe. “See, that one doesn’t make sense.”

“Why does it not make sense?” Ashe seems genuinely curious, and while Felix wouldn’t mind bending into his curiosity, they do regret bringing it up. If not only because they don’t think they’re equipped for such deep introspection on a myth written by a bunch of dead guys from centuries ago.

Still, they’ll humor him. “Well,” they pause, trying to find the words. “Who would purposefully fly into their own self destruction like that? He knew the sun would make his wings melt, it’s not like it was unknown. It just doesn’t make sense to me.” 

Ashe hums, furrowing his brow and tilting his head. “Have you ever heard of the saying, “don’t fly too close to the sun?” It kind of goes with that, I think-” He doesn’t get to finish before another body comes over.

“Ashe, Felix.” It’s Dorothea, and normally Felix would be internally groaning, but for tonight, they don’t quite mind. “You guys don’t mind me budding in, do you?” She bats her eyes at them, and Felix can’t help but roll their eyes, looking over to Ashe to let him decide.

“Oh! No, not at all.” Ashe looks between the two of them and smiles. “I was actually about to go find Ingrid.” He seems to share a glance with Dorothea that Felix doesn’t quite understand.

Dorothea is a welcomed distraction when she finally pulls them away to dance after the idle chatter the two exchange. They don’t know how to dance, and she seems to notice, just laughing at them as she puts their arms where they’re supposed to be ( which is her waist, apparently. Felix doesn’t know how they didn’t figure that one out. )

The dancing seems to be more akin to grinding than anything else, actually, and it doesn’t seem to take long before Dorothea’s whispering, “We could go to the bathroom,” in their ear, and they’re dragging her away because what the fuck else would they do.

They aren’t used to hookups like this though it seems to come naturally with her. She’s the one who pushes them against the wall when they enter the bathroom. Kissing her tastes like something more sophisticated than they’re used to, her lipstick lingering on their tongue as they lick in for more. 

She’s the one to break it first, leaning back to assess them for a moment. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re dark and brooding?” 

That’s new, and it makes Felix laugh of all things, rolling their eyes as they take this pause as an opportunity to pick her up themself, pushing her up onto the counter and stepping between her legs. “No.” 

“They should,” Dorothea smiles, wrapping one leg around them, pulling them in closer. Felix isn’t sure they want to be called that, but for now they ignore it.

They’re finally inching their hand up her leg, pressing their lips to her neck when the door swings open. She doesn’t scream, though they imagine Dorothea probably has been caught like this before. They don’t look up.

“Sylvain, you of all people should know to knock.”

_Fuck_. They snap their head up, their heart immediately sinking in their chest when they see his face. He’s smiling - it’s not one of those real ones though. Felix knows his real smile better than they know the back of their hand, the way it can illuminate even the darkest pits of their own mind.

“Oh, yeah, sorry, I was just trying to find Hilda!” He waves them off though he stays frozen.

“Well, your girlfriend isn’t here.” Their voice is sharper than they mean to be, and they instantly want to eat their words when they see him falter, the mask he dons cracking right in front of them.

“Yeah, I got that. Again, sorry guys.” The door closes just as it opened; quietly, and soon it’s just Dorothea and Felix again. 

As if it matters. Felix swears they hear static and can barely focus on anything other than her kissing their neck now, nipping at it. She seems to notice after a while ( not that Felix knows how _long_ a while has been ) pulling back. “Are you okay?”

Why is it that whenever someone asks that, Felix crumbles to the ground? They don’t understand why those three words make them want to cry, but they will be damned if they cry in front of Dorothea of all people. They turn their head, making a _tsk_ sound. “I’m not feeling it anymore. I’m sorry.”

If she’s mad, she doesn’t show it, instead smiling at them. “It’s okay. Do you want me to get you some water?”

Gods, no, Felix doesn’t want that. “No, I’m okay. I just feel sick.” They pause, finally daring to look back at her again. “Uh, you should look for a blonde girl out there. Short hair, kind of in a bob.” They swallow hard, looking away again. “I think you’d like… Get along with her.” _Wow, this was awkward_. “I’m gonna go.”

They don’t wait for her to respond, instead taking their leave. They close the door behind themself, mainly to give her privacy before weaving their way through the crowd of people, trying their best to make it to the door. They just want to go home; they can walk there, they’re sure, and they could drop out. They could simply vanish from this place as a whole and it would be a blessing.

They're just about to reach the front door when they feel someone grab their wrist, turning around to either sock the person or yell at them before eating all of their words when seeing their face. _Fuck_ , it was Ashe. 

“Are you okay, Felix?”

They pull their arm back, sucking in air through their teeth before looking away, their vision slightly blurred with tears. Not answering seems like the better option so they opt for it, turning back around though they immediately regret it as he calls out their name, louder than before. 

Maybe they’re imagining it, but they swear they can hear the party get slightly quieter. 

They still don’t look back. “Fuck off, Ashe.” They’d regret that more in the morning than they do now, but they just want out. 

It’s Dimitri who steps into their path this time, blocking the door in front of them, the expression on his face laced with pity. “Felix, you’re crying, please-”

They don’t let him finish before they begrudgingly push him out of their way, already apologizing to him a hundred times over in their head. They’d already had their rough patch in their relationship and Felix doesn’t want to reopen any wounds, but fuck they need to go. 

They swing the door open and slam it behind them, the sound of music now muffled from the walls. It’s a moment of peace, they guess, and there’s nothing there to stop them from falling apart right there, their back sliding against the hallway wall as they press their knees to their chest, trying to curl up.

They ache. 

Not in a way they’ve ever felt before. They know pain like the back of their hand at this point, they know mourning and grief and the tremors it gives their body, but this is… Different. It feels like a hurricane in their chest and they find themself struggling to breathe, inhaling deeply before letting out a sob, hiding themself. It’s an awful feeling, and if they didn’t know better, they’d assume they were dying. Don’t some people die of heartbreak? Surely that’s how they’d go

The door opens again, and they don’t look back. It doesn’t matter who it is, nor do they care.

The mystery person seems to just settle down beside them though, based on how Felix suddenly feels someone pressing against their side, a warmth enveloping their body. They finally look up, wincing as they see the familiar fire red hair, immediately tearing their eyes away. “Fuck off and leave me here to die.”

All Sylvain does is sigh, and they can feel the weight of his arm around their shoulder. “We’re not dying outside of Ferdinand’s dorm, Felix. That sounds like an awful death.” 

He says _we_ , as if it’s the easiest thing in the world. As if it’s always been just Felix and Sylvain, together, like the past few months have never happened. As if their promise is set in stone. 

They look back at him, a retort on the tip of their tongue though it dies when they see him. Even now in the dim light he looks gorgeous.

Felix thinks that now, they sort of understand the myth Ashe was talking about. If they were Icarus and Sylvain were the sun, they think they’d fly in too close too just to feel his warmth, even if it meant their own destruction. 

They stare for a moment, taking in his features - the way his amber eyes seem to soften when he looks over at them, that stupid, goofy grin he gives them before he says, “What?”, his voice sounding like the softest of melodies. They can listen to him forever, they think, and they can feel their heart shrivel at just how much they’ve missed him.

They don’t know why they do it. They just know that they end up leaning in, pressing their lips to his, their eyes fluttering closed. He seems to melt into it, they can feel it, and they find themself leaning into the hand he puts on their cheek. They lick into his mouth, taking in his familiar taste before pulling away too soon, the cold wrapping around them as they stand up and let the distance between the two grow with each step back.

“You always,” their voice crumbles with each syllable and they quickly look away. “Why do you always do that?” 

Sylvain’s standing up now, they can see it from the corner of his eyes, and his hands reach out but he doesn’t touch them. “I - I’m sorry, why do I always-”

They don’t let him finish. “You are such a headfuck, you know that, right? You are so fucking, _fuck_ ,” the words can’t leave their mouth and they whip around, turning their back to him. “You just walk into my life when you want and I always have to fucking chase you back, and then you open that stupid fucking door and it just - fuck, seeing you is just a reminder that nobodies-” Felix, in turn, doesn’t finish that sentence. They don’t think they need to finish that sentence. They both know what they were going to say.

Maybe Sylvain’s the one left speechless as he’s not talking, so after a moment, Felix continues. “Do you ask her to stay the night? Do you text her first? Do you fucking _paint_ her, Sylvain? Was I just the quick fuck of one of your _babes_ that you always prance around about?”

They decide they don’t want to know, actually, taking their leave almost as soon as the words leave their lips. They hear him call out for their name and a part of them wonders if he reached out to them but they don’t look back, descending down the stairs without another word.

They walk home, opening the door to find Leonie curled up on the couch. She must have left the party before them. “Felix, what the-” She starts, but Felix slams the door to their bedroom before she can finish.

They lay in their bed, the covers pulled over their head as they stare at their phone. “I’m sorry for tonight. I’m so sorry,” is written on their screen, but they don’t send it.

They were supposed to be just friends, after all. Why did Felix fuck that up?

* * *

Within a week, Sylvain and Hilda have broken up. Felix isn’t sure if it was their doing, but based on how Marianne and Hilda are now walking around the campus holding hands again, Felix decides it probably wasn’t because of them. Hilda and Sylvain still seem to be friends, so a part of them wonders if this was planned, but they don’t look into it.

Felix goes out of their way to apologize to both Dimitri and Ashe for what happened at the party. Thanks to the Goddess above, neither of them seem to actually be upset. 

It’s Sylvain who surprisingly breaks their months-long silence with a simple text.

**Sylvain** : come to lunch today? c:

Felix doesn’t know what to think of it at first. They almost don’t go, but after a while of debating, they decide to at least pass by the table before heading to their new spot for lunch.

Their spot is taken… By Sylvain’s bag, of all things. He seems to notice them before Ashe does, their eyes locking as he lights up and moves it away. This must be a sign of him waving a white flag, and Felix decides not to waste the opportunity. They settle down in their rightful spot. Things feel somewhat normal.

Sylvain doesn’t touch them, and they don’t touch him. It’s awkward, but it’s normal.

This is the new normal.

It’s _fine_.

The rest of their friends come along as they normally do. Ingrid brings Dorothea with her, and Felix is surprised to see that Dorothea actually sought her out and found her. They fumble their own apology for the night of the party but she waves them off.

Neither of them talk about what happened outside of the party, even when the last person gets up from the table and leaves them both alone. Felix silently thanks the goddess above for how Sylvain’s always been an avoidant person, and the two make their leave in the opposite directions. 

When they glance back, they catch his gaze. He smiles and Felix swears the world gets brighter. They didn’t realize how dull their world had become without it, without him. 

* * *

When their 6:30 to 8pm class ends, their phone buzzes with a text.

**Sylvain** : call me on your way home?

Felix decides to take him up on it, putting the call on speaker. They take the long way home, if not just to hear his voice for a little longer. They feel warm in his presence, even if he’s not really there.

“I missed you.” He’s the one to say it as Felix sits in their car, and it winds them, the three words leaving that same, aching feeling in their chest they felt at the party. They wonder what he looks like when he says it, if he’s as dreamy as they’d always imagined. If he looks as sincere as he sounds. 

“I missed you too.” Pause. “I’m sorry.” They’re not good at apologies. They hope that’s enough to convey everything they’ve been feeling.  
“Shh, no. You have nothing to apologize for.” 

They cry when he hangs up. It’s a symptom of missing him, they think. 

* * *

The next few months come and go. Sylvain and Felix seem to be on better terms, but at the moment Felix can’t wallow around in their own, internalized angst over the limitations of their friendship. They’re neck deep in finals and Sylvain seems to be too, seeing as he’s about to graduate.

A part of them curses the idea of being on campus without him, but they’re glad. He’s at least getting a degree in something he likes; art of all things. He’s a good artist, though they realize they’ve never seen any of his pieces. He’s good at everything he does, though, so they don’t question their thoughts. They’re right. When are they never not right?

He’s the one who texts them first again. He’s gotten better at it, at initiating things first. A part of them wants to ask why he never did before, but they don’t know if he’d answer. Regardless, he gives them an opportunity to stop staring at their notes, so they take it, flicking their phone on.

**Sylvain** : are you busy on friday?

**Sylvain** : my final’s gotta have an art gallery showcasing our portfolio and i. wanna bring you?? maybe??

**Sylvain** : if not it’s totally okay tho! ik art isn’t your thing.

It’s so fucking sincere that Felix practically feels their heart burst in their chest. They feel warm, warmer than they have in months.

**Felix** : i wouldn’t miss it for the world, you fuckin fool. :/ i’ll be there.

They don’t concentrate much on studying anymore, instead rereading the text over and over again. Their cheeks hurt from smiling so much, they realize, but they can’t be bothered to care.

* * *

They barely pass their finals. Which isn’t surprising, they’ve never been the best at taking tests, but hey, they passed. All they have to do now is go to showcase for Sylvain’s art, which isn’t terrifying at all. 

Which is why they totally aren’t panicking as they drive there. 

They aren’t sure what to expect - it’s an art gallery for a bunch of college students. Was there a dress code? Were they under dressed? All they wore was their favorite turtleneck and some black pants, but maybe that wasn’t enough. Or, it was too formal, and they were going to stick out like a sore thumb. They were terrified. 

They pull up and catch Sylvain outside of the gallery, seemingly pacing around. “I hope you’re not waiting for me?” He practically whips around, and it’s truly a testament to how much he puts up with when it comes to them that he doesn’t point out that they’re about ten minutes late. 

“I wanted to give you the tour, Fe!” He almost touches them, reaching for their hand but he pulls away. Felix, frowning, closes the gap, taking note of how warm his hand is. He’s always warm though, like a child of the sun. 

It’s been a while since they’ve done this, they realize, and try not to focus on the last time they touched him. “Lead the way then.” They offer a small smile, one he reciprocates as he finally pulls them into the building.

Now, they weren’t sure what they were expecting. Art galleries aren’t necessarily their thing, all things considered, and they’d heard stories of how weird some exhibits by students could be. Which, as they walk through, they realize is true, if the statue of a tooth made entirely out of teeth was anything to go by. 

The art gallery isn’t bad by any means though. Ignatz seems to be standing by his work when Sylvain goes to talk to him, and Felix lets their eyes wander over the oil paintings that Ignatz has deemed, “ _Remnants of the Four Saints._ ” They swear one of them looks like Professor Seteth but they don’t say anything, offering Ignatz a polite smile as Sylvain takes their hand again and leads them to the next hall. 

Bernadetta is nowhere to be found when they arrive at her wall, but Felix doesn’t quite mind, using the stop as an excuse to lean into Sylvain’s arm, looking up at the pieces curiously. They’re almost all cats, and a part of them wishes Bernadetta was here just so they could thank her for her clear geniusness.. “I think this might be my second favorite.”

“What’s your first?” Sylvain turns to face them with a smile.

They almost want to laugh, rolling their eyes as they lean further into him. “I have it reserved for someone special, you know.” 

“Mmm, I would hold your breath,” he hums and Felix gently elbows him, getting a quiet and dramatic, “ow,” out of him. They continue on their path before finally stopping again, Sylvain’s eyes looking everywhere but them. “You know, if you’re bored, we can leave! I’ll buy you dinner for your time.”

They are indeed, not bored, and find themself frowning at him. “No? I want to see your wall. Also, I’m buying _you_ dinner, you fool. It’s your special night. Let me treat you.” 

He doesn’t say much after that, instead giving them a grin they’d define as sheepish before finally tugging them down the senior hallway. The pieces here are extraordinary and Felix would fully admit it, but their eyes glaze over them, now looking for the name tag that says Gautier over anything else. 

They fully stop in front of the hues of red and blue upon seeing them, eyes flicking from the paintings in front of them to the name tag that clearly reads “ _Sylvain Jose Gautier_ ” to the side. They hum, taking a step forward to investigate more before offering a reassuring squeeze of the hand. “These are really good.”

Sylvain makes an awkward sound in response, letting go of their hand to seemingly hide behind them. “Thanks.” They’re not used to him sounding so… Soft? The thunderous voice they’re used to has been replaced with something much more meeker, and they aren’t sure how to coax him out.

Regardless, they take a step back, reaching back to pull his arms around from before resting their hands over his. “Really. It’s pretty. Kind of abstract but not,” they hum, eyes flickering over to the tag again. “Why do you have the title listed as untitled?” 

“ _Oh_ ,” he laughs though it sounds more nervous than they’d like. They hope, to the gods above, that they’re saying the right thing. “I didn’t know what to name it, honestly. Untitled has a bit of an ambiguous feel to it. It lets people decide what to think for themselves. Art’s all about you finding the meaning, you know? It’s fun like that.”

Felix frowns slightly, clearing their throat as they lean back. “I want to know your meaning, though. I want to see it from your perspective.”

He falls quiet again, and they’re worried if he stays like that then he’ll be able to hear their heart racing in their chest. As it stands though, he just sighs, putting his chin on their shoulder to rest. “It’s temperature. Warm and cool. That kind of stuff.” 

Felix can definitely see that. Their eyes scan over the canvases and they hum again in acknowledgement. Each one tells a story of their own; the warmth leaving someone’s body at the grasp of what Felix assumes to be a cold hand, the clear smoky breath of someone exhaling on a cold day, a lavender hue mixing when the two temperatures seemed to be just right. “They’re beautiful,” they finally say after a moment, turning their head to look at him slightly.

He’s blushing, and if they were certain he could take it they’d tease him for it, but for now they let it go. “Do you see… That one? On the top right?” 

They look back over to the paintings, eyes locking on the figure painted in blue. “Mmm, I do. Your anatomy is good.” That’s how people phrase it, right?

“Mmm, thank you. I actually had a lot of practice with this particular muse’s anatomy.” They feel their heart sink in their chest slightly. “I mean, after all, it’s you.” 

Annnnd there it goes. Suddenly they’re spiraling away, face turning bright red as they push out of his arms to glare at him. “I hate you? I hate you. We were having a fucking moment, Sylvain.”

All he does is laugh, catching them back in his arms and pressing a kiss to his forehead. “What? I think you’re cute when you’re like this.”

They finish the art gallery with a minimum amount of teasing before Felix finally takes him out like they said they would. It’s a date, they think, but they never say it, kissing Sylvain at his doorstep before retreating home on their own.

It’s Sylvain who texts them right before they’re about to go to bed.

**Sylvain** : i had a lot of fun tonight! thank u fe <3 it means a lot

All they can do is smile, staring at the illuminated screen with tired eyes.

**Felix** : i told you i wouldn’t of missed it for the world. x.

* * *

Sylvain’s graduation party is… Exciting, to say the least.

Though it’s not really just his graduation party. Dorothea, Hilda, and Byleth also graduated so, clearly, they all came together to have some “massive party” in Sylvain’s apartment. Byleth didn’t seem to be actually involved in any of the planning, and Felix was almost certain that Sylvain hated them, but hey, Sylvain likes a party.

Right now though, they’re all gathered around in the kitchen, shot glasses in their hands. Claude was the one who insisted they all play “Never Have I Ever,” and Sylvain had dragged Felix right along with him. Not that they completely minded, with his free arm hanging on their body. 

“Mmm, I’ll go first.” Claude’s got some mischievous grin on, looking around the circle of what Felix would call complete dumbasses, looking for something good to clearly get everyone. “Never have I ever… Failed a class.”

Felix lets out a groan, downing the liquid in their glass with a wince. Sylvain laughs to himself and follows suit, and Felix can’t help but roll their eyes. “Does it even count for you if you purposefully fail?”

He waves them off as the next person things of some stupid statement, and as such the circle continues. By the time they get to Lysithea, Felix has downed two shots and Sylvain has done three, which is a bit sad seeing as only four people have spoken so far.

Lysithea rolls her eyes, crossing her arms as she looks around the room. “Hm. Never have I ever been in love.” 

It’s cheesy, Felix thinks, but it also gets most of the group to take a shot, which is humorous in its own right. Lysithea seems proud of herself too, laughing as Claude winces on the drink he took. 

They notice Sylvain down his drink beside them and soon follow suit, leaning into him more. They can’t help but remember the conversation from months ago and wonder if he remembers it either, though if he does he’s not saying anything.

The game continues as expected. Ingrid specifically calls Felix out with her statement of, “Never have I ever owned a sword,” which gets a rise out of them while Sylvain wraps his arms around their waist to keep them from attacking. He doesn’t move them even as they settle back against him, and they feel him eventually rest his chin on their shoulder. 

Dimitri says something edgy though Felix doesn’t quite know what he said over their mind screaming about how close Sylvain is to them, and it’s almost their turn to make a when Sylvain is whispering, “Maybe we should stop,” into their ear. They nod and put their glass to the side, following him as he takes their hand and leads them out to the balcony. 

There’s nobody else out there, and Felix is thankful, finding a home in Sylvain’s lap once he sits down on the bench, wrapping their arms around his neck.

“You’re clingy when you’re tipsy, you know.” Sylvain’s smiling up at them like he knows something they don’t, and they huff, rolling their eyes before leaning down to press a kiss against his jawline, nipping at the skin.

“You once told me you liked it when I was clingy.” They move to his neck, making a canvas out of his skin as they suck bruises along it.

“Oh, no, I do,” his voice sounds gravelly and they can’t help but smirk, “I miss you clinging to me.” He pulls them away himself after this and soon they’re kissing. 

It’s been a while since they’ve done this, they realize, and Felix finds themself feeling more complete, smiling into it as they try to force themself closer to him, not wanting any gaps between the two.

They stay like this for a while, Sylvain’s tongue lazily playing around with the tongue piercing Felix got ages ago. He’s the one to pull away though and they chase after him, closing the gap again just to nibble on his bottom lip before finally relenting. They press their head against his with a sigh, closing their eyes.

“You should stay the night. If you want to.” Sylvain’s grip on them loosens slightly and they frown, opening their eyes to see him looking away, as if eye contact could burn him.

“Fine.” They say, like it’s the most exasperating thing, though there’s a smile that still lingers on their face. They lean in, kissing his nose and smiling as his gaze returns to them. 

They settle down, hiding their face in his neck, letting the silence take over. Felix misses these moments the most, they think, just comfortably existing with Sylvain. 

He takes them to bed as the party still vaguely rolls on in the background, seemingly unphased by the havoc still going on beyond his bedroom door. He presses a kiss to their shoulder as they pull their shirt off, quietly murmuring, “We don’t have to do that, not tonight,” under his breath. “I just want to exist with you, if that’s okay.” 

They nod, turning around to press a chaste kiss to his lips. They exchange their shirt for one of his before getting under the covers, opening their arms and pulling him in as he follows behind them. 

They fall asleep last like when they were kids, watching over him before settling down against him, letting sleep take them away soundlessly. 

* * *

It’s Felix who wakes up the next morning to an empty bed. 

There’s a groggy groan that tumbles out of their lips as they reach over, feeling the warm spot on the bed before registering that Sylvain isn’t there. They sit up, brushing their tangled hair out of their face before looking around the room.

It never takes Felix long to wake up, though, and after a few minutes they’re wide eyed, shuffling out of bed. They rummage through Sylvain’s drawers until they finally find one of his sweatpants, putting them on under the oversized sweatshirt before tying the strings to hopefully keep it up. 

They aren’t really sure where they expect him to be; this is his apartment after all, though when they open the door, he’s not in the kitchen making anything. He’s not in the living room either, though there doesn’t seem to be any room for him anyways seeing as there’s two girls passed out on the couch still. The bathroom’s also a _nada_ with the only person in it being Dorothea, asleep in the bathtub. They make a mental note to check on her after they find Sylvain. 

After roaming around for a few more minutes, they finally peak out of the window, catching a glimpse at him sitting on the balcony. Shirtless, but hey, they could bitch at him for that in a moment. Instead, they open the door, leaning against the door frame to see if he’ll notice them. 

If he does, he doesn’t say anything.

“Why are you sitting out here all alone?” They frown slightly, closing the door behind them as they take a step out onto the balcony. “There’s still some girls sleeping on your fucking couch, I’m sure you could wake them up and woo them. Be the hero who’s sweet to them after the party, I don’t know.” They joke, though Sylvain doesn’t seem to laugh, instead just looking back at them with a somber smile.

“Eh.” He shrugs, looking back out to the city below them. “I don’t care for the girls.”

“Ah.” They nod, moving to sit down on the bench beside him. They lean their head into him, putting it on the shoulder as if it was the most natural thing in the world for them to do.

“Say, Felix?” They feel him wrap his arm around their body, tugging them in closer. They nestle against him, humming in acknowledgement so he’ll continue. “Did I… Prove myself to you yet?”

“What?” They stiffen slightly, pulling back to look at him more. “What do you have to prove?”

“Well,” he’s laughing kind of awkwardly and Felix can feel their heart sinking in their chest, immediately worried that something’s wrong. Regardless, they wait, letting him say what he needs to say. “I just… Do you remember that night? At Ferdinand’s party?”

They pause. They do remember that night. “How could I forget it?”

“I, heh,” he looks away and they can see his neck strain slightly. They don’t think before reaching to find his hand, looping it together with his, hoping that it could ease him. “I just.. I think a lot about what you said. About me not… Giving enough, I guess. I just hope that I’m giving more.” He pauses but they don’t interject, instead resting their head back on his shoulder. “I want to be someone you can rely on. I want you to feel wanted... By me. Y’know?”

They hum in acknowledgement again, giving him a squeeze on the hand. “Sylv,” they inhale sharply. “You never had to prove anything. I don’t know. I’m sorry. It was shitty for me to say. I should have just told you immediately, I don’t know.” Still, the weight of the unanswered questions still linger on their tongue, and after a moment they finally ask. “Why didn’t you ever reach out?”

Based on how he tenses under them, they aren’t sure if they said the right thing, but he answers before they can take it back. “I didn’t want to burden you or make you feel like you had to. I don’t know.” 

They can hear him swallow before he finally continues. “If I didn’t ask you first, then I wasn’t forcing you into anything. I don’t want you feeling obligated with me.” It’s awfully quiet, and they look at him, heart sinking at the tears that pool in his eyes. He’s not looking at them though, turning his head away further when they catch a glimpse.

“You’re never a burden to me though, you know. I love talking to you.” They press a kiss to his shoulder.

They don’t talk again for a few minutes. It’s not something Felix wants to push; every time they glance at him, he seems to be swallowing hard, and they know he’s trying not to cry. 

Sylvain’s the one who breaks the silence, something Felix wouldn’t have had any other way. “Do you remember last night when we were playing truth or dare?” 

“Mmm, I do. Why?”  
He shifts again, now looking down at them with a slight smile. They don’t know what to make of it. “You took a shot for that love thing. Did you fall in love? Do I need to wingman for you?”

So he did remember. They let out a slight tut, rolling their eyes as they leaned into him. “You’re a fool, Sylvain.”

“Why am I a fool? You’re the one who was all like, “Oh ew, love is soooo mushy,” but is taking shots after Lysithea’s all like, “oohh I have never been in love.” That sounds foolish, Fe.” 

They pause, looking at him with a smile on their own. “Because I love you.” 

There’s a moment where he seems unphased, his expression not changing until it seems to finally dawn on him, those amber eyes Felix has grown to love so much turning bright as he looks back to them. He kisses them once, twice, and a few more times until Felix loses count, pulling away with a laugh as they hide their face in his neck. “What did you want me to say? Oh yeah, I have been in love, by the way it’s you? Use your brain, Gautier.” 

All Sylvain does is laugh, pressing one last kiss to their lips. “I love you more.” 

Felix smiles back, pressing their forehead to his with a sigh, feeling his warmth envelop them again as it rightfully should. They’re home here, they realize, in the eyes of the sun before them. “I love you most.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> wahhh thank you so much for reading! this is my first fic in ?? literal ages ( and my first fic on ao3 * shuns self in 'i used wattpad when i was a kid'* ) so it might be wonky in some parts. if you see any mistakes i beg that you look away <3 DFSJKHDHFSAJK also this is a gift for my loving gf who is always head empty just sylvain so !!! i just !!! here u go bby!
> 
> my twitter is @fralthotius and my tumblr is @mortalsavants.
> 
> the title is from eden's song sex ( catching feelings ) !! it's very sylvix-y imho so


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